Okay, so i think i've come to the conclusion that being happy with yourself, everything else falls into place.
I've noticed over the years (since my dad died) that nothing was working out. At all. I had no self esteem, i hated how and who i was, nothing worked out and i was just depressed.
But after the decision i made in 9th grade, i noticed my life becoming more of what i wanted it to be. I chose to not be depressed in 9th grade. I would stop being sad about stupid things, i would stop worrying so much, i would just stop.
I got rid of people who brought me down, i moved on and placed myself in my own shoes, and no someone else's. I made goals for myself, i worked at them.
"Shoot for the heavens, cause even if you don't make it you still land among stars."
That quote has influenced me quite a bit too. I decided that even if i didn't get to where i wanted, all my hard work still paid for somewhere and built another step for me to get somewhere.
I have seen that improving yourself and working on yourself just makes everything else work out for you. And if it doesn't, you still know how to handle the situations a lot better. I love that. I love the feeling of having control. But who doesn't ? It's awesome.
The next step in this scary but exciting process, learning to love and learning to deal.
I think it's great how people find people they like and find out that they like them back. It's great. But scary. I mean, once you know they like you, the trick is to keep them liking you and learning to love them with all you have. It definitely takes time. Most people don't even get passed it. Cause once you've got it down, i think this couple would be ready for marriage, which is another different step and something new to work toward. All of this points towards happiness of course. But what i love, is how possible and real it is and can be if you just try. I love that. I wish more people would realize that when it actually matters.
That's all i've got to say at the moment.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Love Is A Beautiful Thing
So for the past 3 or 4 years i've liked this guy yeah? And when i say like, i mean REALLY like. It's not that simple "oh he's cute" sort of thing. It's to the point now where it goes "wow, i just realized that everything you do is great even if it's not meant to be. there's not possible way for me to look at you in a gross way that turns me off anymore, i'm passed that"
But really, who are we kidding. Liking someone and loving someone are two different things. I think, that maybe we go into marriages LIKING the person, then as time goes on, you grow to love them. That's one way i'm thinking about it.
Or maybe you first like someone like "oh they're cute" and then as time goes on (notice how love takes TIME) you start to feel more than just the cute thing for this person and realize you love them so you get married.
I can't really tell which one is the.. definition of love, but honestly, is there really a definition of it?
We read stories, watch movies, and hear about how all these characters and people fell instantly in love or after two weeks were like "yeah, i love you, let's have sex." but that just absolutely cannot be true. Everyday there's always at least one girl who tries to repeat what she saw on tv (not counting the sex part) and thinks, "wow, it's been two weeks, i must really love this guy." yeah hun, that's not love. it's called infatuation.
Maybe love is a pattern. You notice finally, after all these years of liking guys and going through so many, you realize that all these guys before 'the one' were just like fading memories of the past, or in simpler terms, you liked 'em for maybe a week at most, found something wrong, then found the next cutest guy. Yeah, it happens.
Or maybe love truly is just a feeling, nothing else. We just make it out to be more than a feeling. Perhaps it's just the warm fuzziness inside' that makes love and it doesn't NEED any back-up, you just know.
But who knows really. I feel like to me, my own true to self and unique style, love is just there. I think, that given time you can fall in love and well, in a way you sort of do just know. But also it's a pattern. You realize you keep going back to this guy, never had your feelings lessen throughough 3 or 4 years, and then BAM it hits you in the face, this realization. I love this guy.
Now now don't get worked up about how young people don't know love. I can definitely see why people say that. Stupid teen girls who tell every boy they like they love them etc give off a really bad impression for the rest of us. Me? I don't do that. I'm pretty sure i'm not dumb. If i was dumb, would i be here? really.
I could be wrong though. Quite possibly this guy just isn't my mate for life, but he is the perfect match for me at the moment. As heart breaking to me as that is, it is probably true.
You see, i think of finding love this way. You have your first love, who teaches you to love, be loved, and give love. Second love, possibly you marry this person and live life until one of you dies. Third love (rare) is when your spouse has passed on, and then you find someone else to learn to love. I mean, humans are born into this world selfish and greedy, what we are here for i believe is to learn to love throughout our whole lives. So therefore, third love can start out as what seems to be just 'wholesome friendship' but it turns to be love.
Love isn't just that romantic hot stuff they show on TV. Third love is a good example of it. Third love, you wouldn't get all romantic with them (well, maybe.) you would just learn to love them and finish becoming the top human potential you were born with.
Ah, love. Isn't it great? Love isn't the source of pain, it's what we cause ourselves. Love is not painful, it never could be. What's painful about this 'process' is what we make ourselves feel when unhappy or unsatisfied.
Happy Holidays.
But really, who are we kidding. Liking someone and loving someone are two different things. I think, that maybe we go into marriages LIKING the person, then as time goes on, you grow to love them. That's one way i'm thinking about it.
Or maybe you first like someone like "oh they're cute" and then as time goes on (notice how love takes TIME) you start to feel more than just the cute thing for this person and realize you love them so you get married.
I can't really tell which one is the.. definition of love, but honestly, is there really a definition of it?
We read stories, watch movies, and hear about how all these characters and people fell instantly in love or after two weeks were like "yeah, i love you, let's have sex." but that just absolutely cannot be true. Everyday there's always at least one girl who tries to repeat what she saw on tv (not counting the sex part) and thinks, "wow, it's been two weeks, i must really love this guy." yeah hun, that's not love. it's called infatuation.
Maybe love is a pattern. You notice finally, after all these years of liking guys and going through so many, you realize that all these guys before 'the one' were just like fading memories of the past, or in simpler terms, you liked 'em for maybe a week at most, found something wrong, then found the next cutest guy. Yeah, it happens.
Or maybe love truly is just a feeling, nothing else. We just make it out to be more than a feeling. Perhaps it's just the warm fuzziness inside' that makes love and it doesn't NEED any back-up, you just know.
But who knows really. I feel like to me, my own true to self and unique style, love is just there. I think, that given time you can fall in love and well, in a way you sort of do just know. But also it's a pattern. You realize you keep going back to this guy, never had your feelings lessen throughough 3 or 4 years, and then BAM it hits you in the face, this realization. I love this guy.
Now now don't get worked up about how young people don't know love. I can definitely see why people say that. Stupid teen girls who tell every boy they like they love them etc give off a really bad impression for the rest of us. Me? I don't do that. I'm pretty sure i'm not dumb. If i was dumb, would i be here? really.
I could be wrong though. Quite possibly this guy just isn't my mate for life, but he is the perfect match for me at the moment. As heart breaking to me as that is, it is probably true.
You see, i think of finding love this way. You have your first love, who teaches you to love, be loved, and give love. Second love, possibly you marry this person and live life until one of you dies. Third love (rare) is when your spouse has passed on, and then you find someone else to learn to love. I mean, humans are born into this world selfish and greedy, what we are here for i believe is to learn to love throughout our whole lives. So therefore, third love can start out as what seems to be just 'wholesome friendship' but it turns to be love.
Love isn't just that romantic hot stuff they show on TV. Third love is a good example of it. Third love, you wouldn't get all romantic with them (well, maybe.) you would just learn to love them and finish becoming the top human potential you were born with.
Ah, love. Isn't it great? Love isn't the source of pain, it's what we cause ourselves. Love is not painful, it never could be. What's painful about this 'process' is what we make ourselves feel when unhappy or unsatisfied.
Happy Holidays.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Taking Out The Garbage
So lately, i've rid my life of some garbage that needed to be taken out. Exactly what i mean is i've gotten rid of another person in my life that brought me down.
It sounds mean i realize, but haven't you ever met someone that at first you loved and enjoyed spending time with but after awhile you realize that you yourself are being brought down and that it wasn't what you were doing, it was because of the people you hang out with. If that makes sense. So i realized this with at least 3 people in my life, the 2 before are still OK friends with me, but we're not really close anymore. The third person i had to simply get rid of too a couple days ago actually. They were just bringing me down, and maybe that's selfish but we are supposed to take care of ourselves before we can take care of other people. They were a bad influence on me and they didn't even see me as a 'friend' so i guess there really isn't any loss to this right?
Well, i've also been really angry at people lately. Why do some people have to act like they are just the best in the world, so good that they don't have to work hard to solve their problems and work hard like everyone else does to live? Why do they think that they can take a shortcut and no one else can? There is no short cut to life, but they don't see that!
Drugs, alcohol, sex, addiction are all just part of it. I hate how these things are shown off. Why can't we just use them for what they were made to be used for? Drugs, like medical drugs for medical reasons, not because of all this "my girlfriend dumped me" garbage. Please. And alcohol? That was made to CLEAN the body, why would you want to put excessive amounts in your body when it just kills you? It's for cleaning people! CLEANING! Sex? Oh my, this is such an over rated thing. I mean really, you can't even walk down the hallway in a high school and NOT hear at least one sex joke or something dumb. I mean really, is it THAT funny? Is the reproduction of humans really THAT funny. No. It's not. Exactly.
"Oh but if you are putting it that way mia, of course it's not funny." It's not funny either way? Stupid! Get it through your thick skulls! No wonder stupid kids can't sit through a general health class without laughing their butts off just cause a kid was tryin to do a presentation and has to say the word "vaginal" oh my gosh people can we seriously grow up from the 3rd grade?
Well anyway, back to the people thing. Okay, so another thing that's been bugging me. I really hate it when people expect you to help them, but when you go out of your way to help them (cause ya know, you feel bad or love them etc.) you find out they are just not going to take up your offer? Oh my gosh? Sometimes it's more polite to take someone's offer than to try and find your own way of doing it. If you don't want help, then don't frickin ask for it? Holy majoly. People are annoying huh? That's not even the worst part.
I also really hate when men are big BABIES. Actually, people in general but since it's just expected from girls, it's even more annoying from boys! Boys! Men?! Oh my?! What is wrong with the world? I just can't stand it when a guy gets so overly sensitive about something you did or said when it wasn't even meant that way like if you said "cheese" and they took it personally saying that you said they farted or something stupid. I mean really, no one is trying to put someone down here! It's just how we are! Why do they have to be so sensitive? I realize that they CAN just be that way, but oh my can't they learn to control themselves? They are acting like.. what 10 years old? 8? Not even that old?? Ugh it's so annoying and then they expect you to not say anything or do anything about it because you are just 'so' nice and then they go ahead and just do it again making you want to shove their heads in the ice! UGH! It's so annoying.
Obviously, i'm the type of person who doesn't like to be pushed around, or assumed by people that i'm doing something or said something. That's why i dispise rumors. I really hate annoyingly sensitive people, and i really hate people who don't bother to take care of themselves and expect others to take care of them. Okay, i don't mean that sensitive people are bad, cause i'm a really sensitive person myself, but not to the point where everything, and i mean EVERYTHING is taken personally. That is so effing annoying, makes ya wanna shove 'em in the ice. Ugh. Not that i ever would, ha ha. Just expressing an opinion here.
Yeah i think that's it for the moment :)
It sounds mean i realize, but haven't you ever met someone that at first you loved and enjoyed spending time with but after awhile you realize that you yourself are being brought down and that it wasn't what you were doing, it was because of the people you hang out with. If that makes sense. So i realized this with at least 3 people in my life, the 2 before are still OK friends with me, but we're not really close anymore. The third person i had to simply get rid of too a couple days ago actually. They were just bringing me down, and maybe that's selfish but we are supposed to take care of ourselves before we can take care of other people. They were a bad influence on me and they didn't even see me as a 'friend' so i guess there really isn't any loss to this right?
Well, i've also been really angry at people lately. Why do some people have to act like they are just the best in the world, so good that they don't have to work hard to solve their problems and work hard like everyone else does to live? Why do they think that they can take a shortcut and no one else can? There is no short cut to life, but they don't see that!
Drugs, alcohol, sex, addiction are all just part of it. I hate how these things are shown off. Why can't we just use them for what they were made to be used for? Drugs, like medical drugs for medical reasons, not because of all this "my girlfriend dumped me" garbage. Please. And alcohol? That was made to CLEAN the body, why would you want to put excessive amounts in your body when it just kills you? It's for cleaning people! CLEANING! Sex? Oh my, this is such an over rated thing. I mean really, you can't even walk down the hallway in a high school and NOT hear at least one sex joke or something dumb. I mean really, is it THAT funny? Is the reproduction of humans really THAT funny. No. It's not. Exactly.
"Oh but if you are putting it that way mia, of course it's not funny." It's not funny either way? Stupid! Get it through your thick skulls! No wonder stupid kids can't sit through a general health class without laughing their butts off just cause a kid was tryin to do a presentation and has to say the word "vaginal" oh my gosh people can we seriously grow up from the 3rd grade?
Well anyway, back to the people thing. Okay, so another thing that's been bugging me. I really hate it when people expect you to help them, but when you go out of your way to help them (cause ya know, you feel bad or love them etc.) you find out they are just not going to take up your offer? Oh my gosh? Sometimes it's more polite to take someone's offer than to try and find your own way of doing it. If you don't want help, then don't frickin ask for it? Holy majoly. People are annoying huh? That's not even the worst part.
I also really hate when men are big BABIES. Actually, people in general but since it's just expected from girls, it's even more annoying from boys! Boys! Men?! Oh my?! What is wrong with the world? I just can't stand it when a guy gets so overly sensitive about something you did or said when it wasn't even meant that way like if you said "cheese" and they took it personally saying that you said they farted or something stupid. I mean really, no one is trying to put someone down here! It's just how we are! Why do they have to be so sensitive? I realize that they CAN just be that way, but oh my can't they learn to control themselves? They are acting like.. what 10 years old? 8? Not even that old?? Ugh it's so annoying and then they expect you to not say anything or do anything about it because you are just 'so' nice and then they go ahead and just do it again making you want to shove their heads in the ice! UGH! It's so annoying.
Obviously, i'm the type of person who doesn't like to be pushed around, or assumed by people that i'm doing something or said something. That's why i dispise rumors. I really hate annoyingly sensitive people, and i really hate people who don't bother to take care of themselves and expect others to take care of them. Okay, i don't mean that sensitive people are bad, cause i'm a really sensitive person myself, but not to the point where everything, and i mean EVERYTHING is taken personally. That is so effing annoying, makes ya wanna shove 'em in the ice. Ugh. Not that i ever would, ha ha. Just expressing an opinion here.
Yeah i think that's it for the moment :)
Friday, January 2, 2009
Anger Is Not The Answer
okay so i'm going to vent in a bulletin this time. since it's the new year, i thought i'd try something different to vent how i'm feeling lol even though this is a pretty stupid idea.
anyway. so men really piss me off. but so do women. like.. the kind of pissing off where you want to just shoot them so they will just.. ugh yeah k. moving on.
so i know this is a waste of life, but i answer questions on yahoo answers. and most of the ones i answer are either about what's wrong with a person, or what men/women like in the opposite sex.
okay seriously, why do they even have to ask? why can't people see that everyone is different and that everyone is liked for different frickin reasons. wow.. i'm going to swear in this i know i am.
why are people so blinded by what others say? "oh women are all the same: bitchy and moody and dumb" okay rude, but how can all women be like that? If they were, then how would we be here today? oh my eff.
"ugh i hate men! they are all the same! all they want is sex and they only want girls who look like so and so." okay women, really.
men do not just want sex! why else would they complain so much about us?
ugh. i really do hate men sometimes though because it really does sometimes seem like they are all shallow and only go for girls who look a certain way or dress a certain way! i mean WTF. roar.
Women are really stupid too though.
all they ever think about is "oo he's cute, hope he's rich" why can't they think for themselves? why do they want to just stay home and watch ugly smelly kids? seriously why waste time trying to find a stupid old man who may be rich, but does he really satisfy? is shopping really THAT important to you?
oh my gosh. okay, so this is just a summary of whats going in my head right now.
i'm pissed. end of story.
hope everyone's having a great new year, i know i am. i just had my first vent of the year! woo hoo.
party.
anyway. so men really piss me off. but so do women. like.. the kind of pissing off where you want to just shoot them so they will just.. ugh yeah k. moving on.
so i know this is a waste of life, but i answer questions on yahoo answers. and most of the ones i answer are either about what's wrong with a person, or what men/women like in the opposite sex.
okay seriously, why do they even have to ask? why can't people see that everyone is different and that everyone is liked for different frickin reasons. wow.. i'm going to swear in this i know i am.
why are people so blinded by what others say? "oh women are all the same: bitchy and moody and dumb" okay rude, but how can all women be like that? If they were, then how would we be here today? oh my eff.
"ugh i hate men! they are all the same! all they want is sex and they only want girls who look like so and so." okay women, really.
men do not just want sex! why else would they complain so much about us?
ugh. i really do hate men sometimes though because it really does sometimes seem like they are all shallow and only go for girls who look a certain way or dress a certain way! i mean WTF. roar.
Women are really stupid too though.
all they ever think about is "oo he's cute, hope he's rich" why can't they think for themselves? why do they want to just stay home and watch ugly smelly kids? seriously why waste time trying to find a stupid old man who may be rich, but does he really satisfy? is shopping really THAT important to you?
oh my gosh. okay, so this is just a summary of whats going in my head right now.
i'm pissed. end of story.
hope everyone's having a great new year, i know i am. i just had my first vent of the year! woo hoo.
party.
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